What is it with me and my profound inability to say ‘no’ to just about anything? I’m truly failing on this particular new year’s resolution I attempted to withhold for myself and my personal growth. And this month of March is a spectacular example of that. I mean we have had only 1 day at home since the start of the month, and glancing at the calendar this evening I realize that the next true day at home with absolutely nothing planned (well….. except for family movie night!!!) is Sat. the 26th! I mean…. really? I did know this month would be packed, but really did not put two and two together, in plain black and white on the calendar till just about now and here we are…. full to brim.
BUT…. in the very same breath I have a rebuttalfor it all! I mean who can pass up a swimming day witha great grandparent? Or a trip the Lithuanian Museum for a cool egg etching class? Or art classes? Clay classes? Sword fighting/technique classes!? Not to mention open gym…. a true time to blow of steam and connect with friends! A free show!? A Maple Festival!? Hosting a Mama’s Tea!? Date night!!!! Storytimes? Playdates? AND…. a BIG birthday!!! I mean really, nothing can go by the way side…. And just as we get through all of that we ventureinto Pirates history, tween clubs, book club/tea parties, gym and swims, movie viewing gatherings and more. It’s an exciting time with so many opportunities for my kiddos to explore. I suppose I just sometimes worry if/when we are doing the right thing.
I feel as though, us as homeschoolers, can easily criticize the ‘schooling world’ for their full days of schools and even fuller after-school times. The fact that they go and go and go and there is no rest for the weary. No time to just connect witheach other and absorb what life is at the present moment. It’s easier for us, really, because we have the excuse that we are always withour children. We see them 24/7 and get to spend most waking moments with them. That, somehow, is excusing us from being lumped into that generalization. But is it, really? I mean take a look. We run all day long trying to take advantage of every opportunity there is for our children out there. Certainly not a horrible thing in my book. I harbor ridiculous amounts of guilt for letting anything slip through our schedule. Anything that I feel my kids would even remotely enjoy…. it must be fit in somehow and in some way. I mean, my logic…. well, not sure it will really sound logical to most. But my personal logic is the longing to support these efforts that seem to be bombarding us from all directions. It’s awesome that these things are materializing so much and so fast. These things did not exist even just 2 years ago! What if all of these efforts went in vain b/c the homeschooler did not sign up and participate! What if months from now, companies, families, individuals say, “yea… we tried that and it was a flop. No one attended so we are not interested in spinning wheels again.”
Of course, I then flip it back on myself and say, “yea…. but you can not personal support these endeavors alone, and your kids should not be the guinea pigs to your need to support (and avoid your own personal self-guilt)!” But…. I also can’t help feeling like I’m somehow lying to my kids by just not mentioning something they’d really be interested in! Prime example…. a computer class down at IIT. Oh my…. amazing. K would LOVE it. But, UGH, the drive down there, the time frame/day o’ week… It just is not the greatest. Do I just let this amazing opportunity for him slip through the cracks for petrified fear that it would not come up again? Or do I pretend it never existed, essentially deciding for him and plainly…. feeling like I’m lying to him in some degree?
Yes…. torn. It’s not easy. Trying to capture it all and yet maintain a balance that makes homeschooling, well…. make sense! There must be a way to appease the majority, and I’m sure the bulk of that work starts with me and my complete inability to NOT FEEL GUILTY (in just about any situation)!