Having a really hard time with K lately. I’m beginning to really question this one. I find that something has gone “blip” in his brain as of lately and really wondering if this is a case of the 8 y/o’s …. or personality…. boy-thing? …. or just WHAT? What on earth is this? This is the sweetest most empathetic kid you’d ever meet. He is so wrapped up in the ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ of absolutely everything in the world. He loves his siblings beyond belief and there isn’t anything you wouldn’t seem him do for them. He is a a true mama’s boy through and through. So why…. WHY? I ask does all of this seem to have gone by the way-side as of late?
I’m dumbfounded really. And hoping this is just a phase. But he seems to have lately become so consumed with himself, that seeing beyond himself… an impossible task. Not something I would have ever associated with him before now, but lately…. it’s saddened and frustrated me. When I try to point this out to him, he just does not see it clearly. Examples…. hmmm…. well like teasing for instance. Today he was torturing his sister with a trivia game to see how much she knew and then telling her that if she wanted to be smarter to answer all of the questions right she needed to read more. This maddened her (and me quite frankly). It was kinda uncalled for. For one, she answered a good number of questions right, and he was harping on her for ones she couldn’t answer. Not to mention the manner in which he was tormenting her about intelligence and measuring how smart she really was. I felt like it was pretty insensitive really.
So, being in the middle of this situation I point out to him what he was not acknowledging about what she got right. And Iwas trying to point out that he was being quite mean in his manner toward her. I tried to reverse the table on him and ask him if he knew “ALL” of those trivia questions he was quizing her with. He was sure he did. And so I said I’d ask some questions now. I started, and sure enough, he did not know several of them, and got really mad and frustrated. When I cracked a small smile he then accused me of calling him stupid and that I was not being nice. First off, I never said a single word… of course. The smile was more of a “I told you so” than anything, but his interpretation was quite different. Second…. he, at that very moment, completely forgets about what he JUST did to D just seconds before. He does not realize that he was creating a much harsher torment in her mind, and I was literally just asking the trivia questions. This all became a battle about me and what I did wrong, but he never once seemed to understand what he had done just minutes before. And never acknowledged it after.
When situations like that arise, I try to hard to get him to realize what his actions were just moments before, but they are never heard. I end up giving up b/c I feel like I’m banging my head on a wall really. He’s not hearing. Not able to hear…. for whatever the reason, he’s just not absorbing.
Now, to his credit, there is the rare occasion that he will (several minutes later) come to me to apologize or discuss it again. He will maybe at some point down the road realize what I was trying to point out. And that, at the very least, helps me feel like there is some hope at the end of it all. However, not always the case and creates such exhaustion on my part. I have got to hold onto the hope that this is a passing phase. But wish I had guidance as to how to digest this and not loose my cool. Sometimes I just want to ream him out b/c I’m so frustrated that he appears so close-minded. And other times, so frustrated that I wonder if even trying to explain or point things out is even worth my breath.
He’s only 8… has to be a phase. I just wish I knew when it would end so I could mark my calendar and do a countdown till when we could move on to the next lil’ life’s adventure/phase : )