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Bleh

So I haven’t felt much like blogging lately. The weekend was pretty mellow, except pushing hard to get S over a cold quickly. We seemed to do pretty well on that one… he came down with it on Friday. Friday night was less than pleasurable. And Saturday he was pretty drippy and I was pretty tired! But fortunately, it was a day at home and we could just veg and play around the house. So that, and the intense mama-vitamin-pusher I become when times like this arise, we seemed to have gotten him over it quick and the other 2 escaped it… so far…. knock-on-wood now that I’ve dared to breath the words. 

Oh, I did do the dreaded grocery run Saturday. I swear grocery shopping is till the bain of my existence. I just do not like shopping period…let alone grocery shopping. Ugh. Nothing like the satisfaction of being done with a chore like that though. When the fridge is full and lots of good fresh stuffs…. Makes me want to padlock the kitchen and not allow anyone in for 24 hours. I get like that when something is cleaned too. When we clean the living room… just wanna sit and look at how purty it is before someone comes and dumps all the dress up stuff on the floor, or spills their crackers and steps on ’em. : ) And of course, you quickly move on from that feeling, but its just nice to see ‘order’ once in awhile! (No matter how sparse those times actually do happen!)

So Sat. nite S was up for taking an oral cold medicine. Not something he’s ever willingly done before, and man was that the best decision ever. We all slept awesome that night and he woke up pretty much better, just a bit o’ congestion throughout the day, but seemed much happier. We had a homeschool annual picnic to attend, and for some reason we just all lack momentum in getting ourselves there. Maybe still recooping from a busy week, S and his cold, or just plain laziness, but we did not make it this year. Instead, another home day of getting a whole lot knocked off our to-do lists. For me especially…. got lots done, including just being able to play and enjoy time with everyone.

This week started off with K and his breakdancing class. He seemed to really like it. He complained that it was only an hour, so that’s always a great sign. I’ve been having some issues with his current personality shift as of lately and I hate (absolutely hate) saying that as his mommy. In the last couple days… maybe its been a couple weeks or so, but hard to even say really. It’s the “as of late” period of time that’s really starting to rub me the wrong way, and just totally unsure how to handle it as a gentle mom. He has always been quite the serious person. A boy far beyond his calendar age. And constantly concerned with the ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ of life in general. He’s always been challenging for my personality in some respects, and in others, I can completely empathize deeply. But what’s been getting me lately is his constant negativity. There is not much that he has something positive to say about. Today is a prime example: In the AM, we chat about what we are doing. I mention our insane schedule and his immediate response was that this day is going to suck. We get out the door, and to the coffee shop to meet the new Lego instructor, and he is already starting to quarrel with his sister. We take the instructor to see the classroom space, and he complains b/c I wanted to leave (being eaten by mosquitoes). In the car he then complains that he does not want to go to the Des Plaines class we were headed to. And after that, he does not want to go to the park day we were going to as well. Each step of the way he’s griping and yelling a ton at each of us. And it’s not just about where we are going, or what we are doing, but even just about what is said to him even. He’s pretty much negative about just about anything. The only thing that has brought us all complete peace in the last couple of days was this evening. He announced that he found this movie, Planet 51, on Netflix’s instant play and was declaring a family movie night. He asked me to make popcorn and got it all set up on the TV, got everyone organized, and he was thrilled (finally). We had a really enjoyable evening and it was nice to see a glimpse of him there again. I’m not thrilled with this new attitude I’ve been seeing and find it oh-so-draining, not to mention challenging to respond to. Hearing it so much has put me in an unusual funk. Most who know me, know that not much bugs me. I’m a pretty happy easy-going person. Enjoy smiling and not much is to stress about. But this type of negativity… yipes. I don’t know how to address this, I don’t know how to not internalize it, I don’t know how to not make it mine. And I fear, I’m not reacting to him/it in the right way. I think he feels frustrated and nit-picked at times and that’s not cool in my book either.

I notice this fragile state in both K and D where if I’m upset about something they automatically jump to, “do you still love me?” How being angry might result in a change in love status, of course does not make much sense to me, but both of them seem to need that reassurance a LOT lately. They both seem to ask me lots and talk about it lots…. and part of me questions whether I’m doing enough to express that to them? Or is this just a sensitive development phase that they need that much more if it? At any rate, I know whatever has K in this negative vibe funk has probably got me not reacting the best possible way, and that’s even more draining. To the point that I’ve used school as a threat in the last couple of days. And that’s so not cool to me either. But what I’ve said to them is that if things feel this unhappy when we’re together then why do we homeschool? Homeschooling is about family and enjoying each other and our time together. And if it’s just not feeling happy, then why do it? I did state the reality that not everyone is happy 100% of the time, and that I get. And if he’s not feeling great, I’m here to help or listen, not be the abused. I do think that there have been some key conversations that have come of this, but still wonder where it lies at time. If this is a phase, if it’s on its way out… or if we have a bit more of this to go!? Ugh… ok, I’m movin’ on from that subject.

So…. yesterday we headed to the garden, but shoulda known better b/c it had just rained and the mosquitoes in the yard were astounding. It was painful for me at one point. We all came home with battle wounds. But did get a visit in with G’pa that we all enjoyed. The kids had not seen G’pa for over 8 weeks or so b/c he had been in Florida all summer. So it was special to reconnect. G’pa is clearing house and we are doing a garage sale this weekend with all of his purged stuffs. Feeling a little tired about the thought, but excited to get some of that out of the house! It’ll be good I’m sure, and the weather is looking fantastic!

Thrilled tomorrow is a day at home. In the evening we are headed back over to G’pa’s to have SBJ move some stuff with Uncle P and I will tag some stuff for the garage sale. Friday is our beach day, which I am actually looking forward to this week! I had a rough go of it the last couple of weeks… for whatever reason. Being so massive prego and not wanting to trapse down there with all of the beach stuff. But this week the energy level is picking back up and looking forward to it.

Seems to be a cycle this energy thing. I think the weekend was pretty low, and now finally picking back up…. not sure how it’s cycling, but realizing it’s not a continuous state no matter which I”m feeling at the time. So that’s good. Tonight commenced the beginning of tub soaking sessions. Seems to be the end-o-pregnancy routine of soaking the body and relieving a bit of swelling. Today was one of those days. I thought the rain would bring down the temp a bit, and turned off the AC’s. But man was it MUGGY despite. So we returned home to a hot, hot house. So I took advantage of a cool tub and soaked for a bit while the house cooled down. Was exactly what I needed, but the kiddos seeing mommy soaking in a bubble bath set us on a 2 hour bath marathon! ; ) Everyone wanted their very own bath, and of course, everyone wanted bubbles just like mommy had. (Bubble baths are a rarity here, and esp for the kids b/c their skin tends to dry out and/or be sensitive to fragranced soaps… so I’ve never really done it or encouraged it with them.) Oh… but that, of course, is until this evening! I can see this will be a luxury for awhile. : )

Alrighty… so taking advantage of the earlier bed time and a day at home to catch up on things and going to be early. No need to stay up doing stuff when I have a day tomorrow to do whatever. Of course, I’m somewhat sucked into the Shark Week show on Discovery Channel, so it will mean I actually have to turn off the TV to do so as well! ; ) Why oh why is it so hard to turn off at night and go to bed?! I SO enjoy my period of conscious silence when the kids go to bed. I tend to stay up way to late to squeeze the very last minute of it out of my exhausted body. So tonight, I will attempt to see and hear logic and turn in on the earlier side. Just promise me you won’t ask if I actually did it or not! ; )

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